We're back. It's a brand-new season, we have a brand-new T-shirt and a brand-new reader-friendly attitude. In the past we may have seemed a trifle arrogant at times, as though we were some sort of infallible planetary authority on humor and you were, to put it bluntly, a battalion of doofs. Well, that is all in the past. We will no longer be condescending. "Condescending" is a great big word that means talking down to people. Anyway, This Week's Contest: What Do These Ink Blots Mean? Explain one, or more than one. You can flip them over, if you wish, but make sure to specify which side is up. First-Prize Winner gets an elegant desk sculpture, crafted from road kill by fine Mexican artisan-taxidermists, depicting two frogs playing billiards, a value of 90,000 pesos. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper stickers. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 77, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312, or submit them via the Internet to losers@access.digex.net. Entries must be received by Monday, Sept. 12. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, appropriateness or humor. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 74, in which we asked you to come up with a slogan for the back of the new and improved Style Invitational T-shirt. The funniest entry ineligible for a prize (it violated the word-length rule) was submitted by Larry Covey of Columbia, Md.: "My Parents Went to Colombia and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt With Little Bags of Sugar Sewn Into It."

Fifth Runner-Up: Need Help. Call Police. (David King, Washington)

Fourth Runner-Up: Right. Like YOU'RE Stephen Hawking. (Jessica Steinhice, Washington)

Third Runner-Up: Losing Is Like Death, but Without Your Eyelids Sewn Shut (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Second Runner-Up: I'm With Stupid ART DEPT: `WITH' IS CROSSED OUT (Linda "Kvetch" Malcolm, Silver Spring)

First Runner-Up: Ask Me About My Bodily Function Joke (J. Calvin Smith, Laurel)

And the Winner of the Burlap Sack Filled With Goo:

New and Imporved T-Shirt (Cindi Rae Caron, Lenoir, N.C.)

Honorable Mentions:

It's a Lousy Contest and I'm Lousy at It (Gary D. Michaels, Potomac)

I Am Not an Animal (Stu Segal, Vienna)

"And Thus Do I Clothe My Naked Villainy." - Shakespeare I Think (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

When the Thermometer Pops Out of My Butt, I'm Done (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Oh, I Thought You Said Butt Light (Larry A. Gordon, Potomac)

Not an Employee of The Washington Post or a Member of Their Immediate Family (Bruce W. Alter, Springfield)

My Other T-Shirt Is the Nobel Prize (J. F. Martin, Falls Church)

Don't Bother Me, I'm Trying to Walk (Linda K. Malcolm, Silver Spring)

I'm Going to Euro Disney! (Jessica Steinhice, Washington)

Smith Happens (Paul Styrene, Olney)

Puns of Steel (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

The Eastern Bloc Judges Screwed Me (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Don't Stop Thinking About Next Week (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

That Which Does Not Kill Us Often Hurts Us Badly (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Attn. Colleagues: Knife Goes Here (Don Maclean, Burke)

Virtual Banality (Chris Rooney, Reston)

It's a Geek Thing. You Wouldn't Understand. (Jim Day, Gaithersburg)

Warning: Objects in T-Shirt Are Closer Than They Appear. (James M. Lopez, Quantico; also, Kevin Cuddihy, Fairfax)

How's My Walking? FAX 202-334-4312 (Joseph Romm, Washington; also, Kevin Cuddihy, Fairfax, and Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Almost as Funny as "The Family Circus" (Ignatius McBundy, Silver Spring)

I Yield to the Gentleman From Woodbridge (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Veni, Vidi, Olfeci (I Came, I Saw, I Stank) (Jessie Geitl, Washington)

Next Week: Curses!